Friday, July 26, 2013

A is for Apathy


 It's been over a year since I last blogged. I was involved in another A to Z meme but stopped after my "U" post.
 I've always felt guilty for not finishing the rest of the alphabet yet never did anything about it. Writing was just one thing that died in my spirit last year. There were other aspects of my life that experienced brokenness  and now I'm in the  healing and growing phase.
 
 It seems that all my life, my dreams and things that I've been passionate about just fade away or shatter like glass on cement. I'm not understanding why  this happens and now I've become apathetic. I'm apathetic  about writing, and in my attempt to reach my weight loss goal. I'm apathetic in my desire to do a great job at work, and  in my spiritual walk. Even now, I am no longer getting that high I felt during my most recent passion of photography. Maybe by publically speaking of it, I can get a grasp of what is wrong here.
 

Definition of apathy (n)

Bing Dictionary

ap·a·thy
 [ áppəthee ]   
  1. lack of enthusiasm or energy: lack of interest in anything, or the absence of any wish to do anything
  2. emotional emptiness: inability to feel normal or passionate human feelings or to respond emotionally
Synonyms: indifference, unconcern, lethargy, laziness, boredom, ennui, droopiness, dispiritedness
 
 
I feel the first definition aptly describes what I'm experiencing. I have a long history of  starting projects and being very enthused about the hobby. Crocheting, T-shirt painting, ceramic painting, and scrap booking are some of the more memorable interests  that I pursued, but then the enthusiasm died. (I still have some leftover supplies from all of these hobbies). I seem to  never reach the point where I'm really good and knowledgeable about  what I do. I wonder when and why the joy I attain from being involved in the activity disappears. Does it stem from frustration or lack of feedback?
 
 I don't like it that I'm now seen as Debbie Downer when I once use to be more optimistic. Years of unfulfilled dreams and things that broke my spirit in the last couple of years contributed to this attitude, and I hate it! I long to rise above it all and be the beautiful person God wants me to be.
 
I have no answers right now, but I'm hoping that by picking up my blog, I will work through the murky clouds of apathy and find a ray of hope that just maybe, will allow me once again to experience a joyful and purposeful  life.











 

12 comments:

  1. Oh, dear Barb! I'm praying for you - and for your passion and stick-it-toitiveness. And I've been that way about some things too. Love ya, sweetie!

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    1. Thanks, Joanne. I dislike being so negative-I need help! :)

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  2. Hi Barbara! I wish I had some great advice for you. I've been there too. Hang in there. If you're involved in a small group at a church, consider sharing with them (if you haven't already). I'll pray that God encourages you and restores your joy quickly! God bless.

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    1. Thanks, Tom! I don't belong to a small group-that's another issue in my life. I appreciate the prayers and your response to my post.

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  3. Barb, I've missed you and am so glad to see you here!! I have a huge collection of unfinished projects and crafts--with all their supplies too. It is discouraging but life is a journey and I'm so thankful we don't have to stay in those yucky places forever.

    That picture is so cool. =]
    A rainbow--God's promise to us, and He keeps His promises.
    Love you, my friend.

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    1. Thanks Patty. It feels good back in the blog business again!

      I snapped that photo from my car as I drove home from work one afternoon, following a rain storm.

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  4. Barbara,
    I've been there many times. As much as I hate to suggest this I'm going to...see your doctor. Might be depression involved. Change your diet. Set small goals and use rewards for finishing.

    I don't have solid answers for you but I can pray for you to get your "finish" on. :)
    Blessings,
    Diana

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    1. Thanks, Diana. I've experienced clinical depression in the past so I understand what you are saying. Thank you for caring! I like that "Get your finish on!"

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  5. You hit the nail on the head for all of us at some point in our lives! The great thing is it won't always be like that if we're trusting God to see us through.

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  6. I can certainly relate to your post, Barbara. I didn't even make it to the "U" last time. And I'm excited to be back with this meme. Praying this season will come to a close with positive changes and encouragement. Your beautiful photography and writing are needed and appreciated! Hugs.

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    1. Thanks, Nancy! I'm already feeling more upbeat. :)

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